Where to begin. We all remember the encounter of the Killer Toy Stair Dwellers and I spent a good portion of time sort of laid up in bed because my back hurt a great deal and because of that I did little to nothing for awhile. It was tiring and boring and I only got a small lapse of time before I was once again bed ridden but that part will come later.
Doing catching up blogs suck because then I have to go back and remind people of things and add in bits I might have forgotten before. So back in March at Bubbaloo's birthday party I had the mic set up so that he could chat with my sister and one thing lead to another and the mic was broken a bit. It still worked rather well, this thing was a trooper really, specially for just being a cheap one that came with an old web cam. This thing refused to die and so for another month or two I had no need to replace it. Eventually all things come to an end and it too saw it's final day but I had promised my sister a session of chatting with the kidlets and so I went to the store in hopes of finding a new microphone. I couldn't find one without a headset attached and in the end I settled for one more expensive than I had been thinking of but that could be used for both my PC and my 360. I was mostly swayed by the whole buy two games or add ons and get one free deal. I went through and eventually got the headset and two games, Fighter Unleashed and Bulletstorm. I have to say I'm not exactly happy with either of them, though both were fun, Bulletstorm had no replay value for me and the senors in Fighter Unleashed aren't sensitive enough and the kinect mistakes moves all the time. So long explanation is long but all this was leading up to the fact that with Bulletstorm there was a code for a trial of the Gears of War 3 beta.
The Beta would have been more awesome if I had a gold membership. I mean, I pay a good amount of money for games and then they expect me to pay to be able to do things like play those games with other people. This is just money I don't have. So usually I go without but I really really wanted to play the beta. I've been waiting for Gears 3 since I finished 2. I lamented to Lost and Found this and he offered me a code he had for 48 hours of gold membership which meant 48 hours of Gears Beta time. I very excitedly used my headset for the first time and played till bedtime then woke and played pretty much the entirety of the next day, seeing as I was still mostly bed ridden by this time I justified the action plus I was only going to get 48 hours to play because once the gold membership was over, I'm sure you get the picture. Unfortunately it had the adverse effect of making me want the game even more, though it's not out till September. I didn't realize how much fun gaming online really was, I've never really had gold before. At one point there was a fight over who got to marry me and a group of guys debating if I was a guy or a girl since I wasn't using my mic at that moment and when I eventually plugged it in and spoke they were all "Dude, it's a girl". As if girls don't like kicking alien ass.
I have to say that Mother's Day and Father's Day must be pretty depressing for a person, if you are divorced, till your child becomes a bit older. I mean usually your spouse does something with them that they then give you. Breakfast or help the child make a card, I'm just grateful my children are highly independent and creative. I was certain Mother's day would come and I would wake up feeling lonely and craptacular but instead I woke to a bowl of cereal with a side of toast, a really cutely made Mother's day drawing and a new video game to go to, compliments Brewski. I hadn't expect that. Usually you don't give something to someone who isn't your parent, you might wish someone well on that day but an actual present not so much. I think he realized that it was going to probably be a day I felt a bit depressed and he wanted to do something to help keep that from happening, it was an unexpected gesture of kindness. So downstairs I went and Portal 2 got a good run through. The kidlets love Portal so of course they wanted to play really badly. I have to say though, that I found Portal 2 less difficult than the first and once you run through the co-op once the replay value of that section isn't very good, it is however, a very fun game.
Roughly around the same time I got into an argument with my Dad. I should have just kept my mouth shut but it's tiring always hearing about how you are considered a failure because of the choices other people have made and you are credited for by association. We argued and then he told me the kids and I would have to leave before he came home. This caused a great many things to happen, the regulatory cleaning and packing and finding places for everyone to stay but also weird comments from friends and family. One such came from a friend who tried very hard to get me to agree to be a Green Card Bride. Now I don't know about you, and besides the fact that it's completely illegal, but I'm not in the habit of marrying someone just so they can stay in the US, not really sure why many people would want to stay in the US when there are other countries which might serve them better. Plus who knows who the other person might be. Abusive, neglectful, a terrorist. I'm good.
I started some drawings while laid up, most of which I didn't finish and I probably wont since I don't seem to be able to do so once I stop a project but I will post what I have here none the less, just a couple written things and some drawings:
Angel without wings by ~Katalalyn on deviantART
Slowly draining
by ~Katalalyn
If it was just one thing
I could handle it
I could disregard it
I could work it out
but its everything
and my shoulders are just not strong enough anymore
Like chipping away at me is some sort of game
It fascinates the universe
Why else would the chisels keep coming
Eventually you will crush even the crumbles of myself into dusk
And even so
Even as my mind slowly black holes on itself
Even though I'm lost in the woods of despair
Even as I stumble through the dark
I'm game
Come at me with all you've got
And I will fight till the last of my soul is broken
Called Mommy
by ~Katalalyn
I watch you and worry.
Everyday is filled with a slight dread I can't explain
As you've fallen and I've dried your tears
Pushed past the tantrums
Wanted for you all I never had
All of this for the sake of your happiness
And as you grow day by day
Leaving me one step behind on your way to you
A new little piece of me grows numb from the pain of realization
When you are grown you will no longer rush to my side
You wont throw your arms around me and ask for kisses
I will see in you the little one you used to be
Back when all the pain and sorry of my day
Was lifted by your chubby little smile
And you calling me Mommy.
http://fav.me/d3hvuia <--- a story I have yet to finish, I'm linking it because it's rather long and my blog is going to be long enough.
Yeah by ~Katalalyn on deviantART
and another flop by ~Katalalyn on deviantART
During this time I got a call from collections. I've never been to collections before. I try to be very careful with my money and make sure my stuff is paid off correctly instead of just whenever. I found out it was because Sprint had made a miscalculation and hadn't emailed me that I needed to pay the last bill, even though I had clearly asked about all that before. Oh well, I got it taken care of. My credit has become so terrible, I used to have really good credit, it makes me a bit sad.
So Lost and Found and I had been trying to get together to hang out before I left the house since neither of us was sure when it would happen otherwise and we kept having to put the weekend back. First it was a birthday party he forgot and then my friend Greggles from out of state coming in. We had a great time, we played Portal 2 and talked about random stuff, it was totally chill but well worth the time spent. Then I was offered hang out time with a friend I don't get to see often but then the ear infection happen.
I haven't had such a bad ear infection in a long time. I ran a fever of 108 and spent most of a week in bed feeling really terrible. I went into the free clinic, I was their very first patient as it was a brand new clinic. When they asked me if I had any other problems I said "I'm chronically accidental." The doctor had actually written it down before she realized what I meant and she proceeded to laugh uncontrollably. I got some meds and began to take them, I did feel better and thought I was going to make the weekend up in Bellevue but the day I was to go up I started feeling pretty terrible again. I ended up getting really sick again, so bad to the clinic I went. They brought me back to examine me and as the doctor looked into my ear she was all "what the shit" and I was all "I know right" and she went "you really haven't put anything in your ear" and I was all "no ma'am, that would be stupid, I want them to get better" and she stood there for a moment and went "well, lets try this other drug" and I went "yeah sure" and she goes "I really don't know what this stuff is" and I went "you know what, neither do I. It's like some alien entity zombie causing fucking bacteria. I'll be patient 0, they will call it the
CSI and The British Man came down and we went to the beach with the kids and Brewski. CSI jumped in but thought the water was too nasty and wouldn't come back in. The British man swam with me to the buoy with me but after that was too tired to be in any more. The kids and I stayed in the water for a bit longer before we all headed off home. Everyone showered and changed. Baby Grr, CSI and I did weird terrible looking whore style make up, we played a game with balloons where each person had one and had to keep it in the air while trying to knock another person's to the ground before we all went for a walk. Across from the house is small fields of yellow flowering bushes. I love these flowers, even though I've never learned the name of them, they are everywhere here and you know summer has hit because the air is filled with their perfume. We walked through the paths between these fields and about halfway around I pulled off a bunch of flowers in my hand and began making it "rain" for the kids. In the end however we just spent a portion of time throwing flowers at one another and laughing as the pollen covered us and made us yellow. We got back and talked to The British Echo on skype.
Eventually Lost and Found did make it over, the weekend after CSI and The British Man in fact. He happened to come at the same time that my sister came again and so it was a bit weird but only because CSI is a bit weird around new people. I made lunch, at which point we decided to go to the beach even though it was rather cold, I was making pasta with bechamel sauce and I had the milk jug on the counter and while we were discussing the beach and how everyone should bring their swimming clothes and Lost and Found said he probably wouldn't go in and CSI said "I would think you would want to because you're legs probably look like this" and pointed to the jug of milk. Lost and Found looked terribly confused before I laughed and said "because they are so white". He got a good laugh out of it and for the rest of the day we called him Milk Jug Legs. We got to the beach, it was indeed cold but I jumped right in. Eventually the kids joined me but neither CSI or Lost and Found managed the courage and both pansied out.
The next couple of weeks was filled with lots of cleaning and trying to spend time with the kidlets. On one such occasion we played hopscotch after we found the chalk, it was fun teaching the kids how to play. It was slightly cloudy outside and there was an air show going on at the airport nearby and we got to see the planes as they flipped and dropped mid-air. However, this game we played continued on even as we got bored of it. Two hours worth of just one game.
A couple days into the cleaning I realized I was going to be left with all the mess from around the house. This was stressful but not really something I didn't feel I could handle, till the phone call came. It was the middle of the morning, I was cleaning the kitchen and there was string of phone calls from my parents and siblings. My parents were hoping to come that evening. I was floored and a bit freaked out. The house was extra messy because I had been so sick the weeks prior and so I was far behind if I wanted it clean before they came home. I called CSI and she offered to come help. Two hours later, CSI, The British Man and The English Weedwacker all showed up and helped pitch in to clean. We spent the better half of the day running around, moving things about, wiping things down. We got a phone call from the parental units in the late afternoon stating they would not be coming home till the next day. At that point we decided to take a break, a break which turned into a drinking fest. The boys tried to take a shot of tequila and wussied out because it was pretty crap tequila, I picked up one of the glasses and downed that sucker. They stared at me and I told them they probably couldn't do it even if they wanted to, at which point they of course were adamant that a woman wasn't going to beat them at this. They each took one and their faces were ridiculously hilarious, they were so annoyed that I didn't make the same ones. We drank till they were drunk, I was getting there, 9 shots will do that. The British Man threw up. I threw up but only because I was too far gone to realize had drank something like 6 glasses of water in a row, the liquid upset my stomach, I only threw up water. The English Weedwacker threw up the next morning. CSI didn't but she didn't have as much.
I woke up the next morning without a hang over and pretty cherry and then went back to cleaning. The boys left and the rest of us worked until the middle of the afternoon at which point the units arrived and we all scattered. The units drove off in one direction and CSI and I went in another, picked up some Mcdonald's, which I hate but we were starving, watched an episode of Bitchin' Kitchen:
a show which has inspired my sister to cook. Afterwards we packed up my car and I drove up north a hour and a half. I spend a moment with my sister and her boyfriend and his friend and then drove to The Shoulder's place. Which is where I'm staying for the next month.
Not that I'm one to look a gift horse in the mouth but I have to say, everyone has a different level of cleanliness. CSI for example is a complete germophobe and I don't mind a mess here or there but The Shoulders place was a wreck. Everything from weird yellow stains on the ceiling to brown splotches on the carpet. I have been slowly going through the house, room by room, cleaning up the mess as I go. It's not that hard once it's done, then it just maintenance, but the initial go through can sometimes be like fighting off the micro bacterial hordes of hell.
I got here on a Thursday and every Friday The Shoulder goes bowling with a group of friends, this weekend I was invited along. His younger sister went as well and I spent the evening talking and chatting with her, it's strange how I feel more comfortable talking with a 16 year old than the other adults but mostly I think that comes from having been around my own sister so much.
I got on top of the whole filling out applications as quickly as possible. I walked up to the mall, which is only a block away and went around for almost 3 hours, grabbing every type of application or writing down the names of places that do online ones. I left that day with 45 applications. My hand hurt incredibly by that evening as I filled out over half so I could walk back the next day and turn them back in. I just have to say that I truly and utterly despise online applications. I know this is all the digital age and what not but seriously, whoever thought up the whole "let's put ours online" should be hanged, by their toes and force feed cheesecake while watching reruns of Felicity.
I did that for about a week straight, cleaning, applying, walking to the mall and so Friday came around once again and I went out with The Shoulder. It feels nice to go out regularly, I forgot what it was like to meet up with other adults. I think I'm a bit more reserved then any of them are though.
I'm tired of this not being posted so I'm going to skip ahead of the small stuff. I did some hanging out with the Mezican and then with CSI and The British Man, different times, they are having issues as a whole. Spent the Fourth watching Fireworks in the park, it was good fun, met a new friend, Gamestop Guy.
Went with Friday Night Bowling League out to Denny's after the rounds and was practically molested by one of the group too drunk to understand the word no. I ended up hitting him, which he seemed to find delightful. I would say a backhand to the face should put just about anyone off but he just wanted more. Kept asking me to hit him again, leaned on me, grabbed my ass. So I elbowed his rib cage, three times very hard, it put a slight damper on it but he kept asking for my attention all night. Sometimes people just disgust me.
I put in a job application for Best Buy on Monday, by Tuesday I had a job interview set up. I was practically falling over myself with excitement. I went in for my interview and it went splendidly and the next day I got a call back for my second one. That one went even better than the first, though I thought at one point I might have ruined it for myself. The manager asked what I would do if I caught someone stealing and my very initial reaction was "Punch them in the face" and then I coughed and looked at the wall and said "I mean, tell a manager" and he looked at me and said "even if that person was a friend" and I told him exactly what I thought about that. What friend? Someone who cares about you wouldn't put you in jeopardy of losing your job to cover for them. People like that are no friends of mine. If I'm judged by others based on the company I keep, I'm going to keep the best damn company possible. and he sat there for a moment and finally asked "You'd punch them in the face?" and I smiled and looked at the ceiling, sighed slightly and said "Yes well, not IN the store" He laughed and had me sign the papers right then and there. So yes, I have a job now, which is awesome, except I still have no place to live. One thing at a time I suppose.
While discussing the job, I needed work clothes and had no money for them so my friend, one from the Friday Night Bowling League offered to buy me some till I could pay him back. I <3 him.
I skipped ahead. I cut my hair. From long to rather short, a bob at the chin, it's already grown out so much it's rather annoying. It's cute but I cut it for two reasons. One, I was going to cut it because it's summer and it's thick and heavy and keeps me warm. Two, The British Echo was leaving for the boat and wanted to see it cut before he left since I had mentioned cutting it to him. He was skyping CSI and The British Man and I went and took a pair of scissors to my hair and filled up a pretty decent sized trash can with all the pieces that came off. I always forget how nice and airy short hair feels. I'm just going to grow it out again though, so whatever.
The British Echo is gone for now. It's makes me sad. I miss him. It's hard watching a friend go away for a long time and even worse when you can't really get a hold of them. It's like he is deployed. He got online the other day but couldn't write me but I know he got my messages, so thats okay, at least he heard me and knows I haven't forgotten him.
I had to go pick up the kids early from SES and Ive had them almost two weeks now, even though I was supposed to. They were miserable and begged to come be with me. How can I deny my children when they are frightened and crying constantly. He was pissed but oh well, I care more about their feelings than his.
So today I took them to the beach, we've been going a lot this summer since there is a very nice beach just a 5 minute drive away. We met up with CSI and The British Echo, we played in the water and eventually CSI got too cold and wanted out. It was just about 15 minutes after they got there, I can stay in the water the entire time, the other day I was in for four hours straight, I love the water so much but she asked me to come to the beach and sit with her, so I very reluctantly sat on the blanket. Eventually she told me to play in the sand if I was so bored, do something like build a mermaid. So I did. The British Man helped with the scales and the hair and some of the other digging. This is what happens when I'm not allowed into the water.
Sand Mermaid by ~Katalalyn on deviantART
I'll throw down the other poems I've written since I started this backlog entry. I'm terrible at finishing it seems.
Shnuggle
by ~Katalalyn
Come lay with me
bodies touching
purely innocently
longing for the closeness
that feeling that there is more
the world isn't just I
trapped in a ever-widening expanse of nothingness
You and I
let us compliment each other
entangle ourselves together
feel the intimacy of being with another person
being one through the simple act
your force and mine
pulling and waning
with just our arms wrapped around one another
an embrace that makes us more
more than just two
but not that of lovers.
Nothing more but this
by ~Katalalyn
Standing at the edge of the plank
swords to my back
sharks at my feet
Where is my peter pan rescue
When was the pixie dust brushed away
How long has it been since the fear crept in
It all crashing around me
No where left to turn
slowly leaning towards the abyss that awaits
Okay, last but not least. I've met someone, okay technically I've known him for awhile but it was one of those moments were you think you know someone and then you really meet them, they become something more. So Potential Boyfriend and I started spending a great deal of time talking and playing the questions game. It's creepy how similar we are. We had some issue with the whole bacon vs sausage issue but suffice to say otherwise it was almost turn for turn the same answer. There are a few limiting factor to the happiness as of the moment. One, he is younger than I am and it worries me, even though he is more mature then most of the men my own age, I am afraid I might be keeping him from being himself from doing the things he wants to do. I don't want to keep him from the things he should be doing to make sure his life is one he feels is fulfilled. The second being the distance. I'm so tired of being alone, of sleeping alone and waking alone, it has technically only been about two years since my marriage crumbled but I've felt rather alone for much longer than that. I wish I could say I stayed out of obligation but that just isn't the case, I loved my ex till the end, doesn't mean I couldn't already feel his lack of love before the inevitable. I want to be held, so badly it makes me ache. I'm tired of being cheated out of the affection that I should deserve since I am willing to give it. Rambling, the point being I want that from him and if we were around one another I know he would be willing to give it. Over 9000 points later and he was upgraded from Potential Boyfriend to just straight Boyfriend. Yet, it feels weird saying that, I don't give my heart away easily and so when I do it really is for the long haul but calling him my boyfriend just sounds so grade school. He means so much more than that to me, so much it's hard to even begin to think of how to say it.
So, all updated and now lets see if I can start making more frequent posts again.
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