I seem to be having more good days recently. I needed it, all that stress and pain and sorrow and I was just waiting for the sun to come out and here it is glaring down at me at 70 degrees (21.1 for everyone else out there). Not that I'm complaining, I've needed a break in the storms.
I went back to the beach yesterday, later in the evening this time, swam for a bit while the kidlets played on the beach with my mother. She bought food before hand so swimming a great amount wasn't going to be the par for course but just being in the water was nice. She then took us to Safeway to buy some ice cream for the kidlets. While there I ran into an old classmate. I wouldn't call him a friend per say, we knew each other, we were mostly civil and so I suppose acquaintance would be a better word and yet I knew him better than that, what is there between friend and acquaintance? No matter, my mother went apeshit over him because she found him very attractive and I have to admit I cant disagree, he has become rather good looking, but my mother just wouldn't quit and I finally just told her I already had feelings for someone else. I dislike telling her such things, she asks questions and pushes for answers and then makes comments on things to suit herself, it's tiring, so I skirted the topic as much as possible.
Came home, showered and made my way to the bowling alley with The Shoulder. It was an interesting day but only because the dynamic seemed off. Everyone seemed content to be aay from each other so I spent the evening using skype on my phone. I have to say that skype is one of the worst apps Ive ever come into contact with. It's slow, freezes constant, has trouble adjusting when I turn my phone, the app is pretty poorly made, I've seen games that respond better.
The Shoulder and The Cat Lady had been skirting around going and being together in some manner and had been texting since we left the bowling alley so once we got home I practically pushed him back out the door, if he hadn't been my ride, he probably would have gone earlier.
Woke the next morning to the wonderful world of noise that three small children produce. The Shoulder's sister watches A Lug for him so she and I opened our eyes and looked at each other from the two facing couches and then got up. I don't mind staying up late and waking early but listening to three small children screaming near my face is not the way I want to do it.
The Shoulder and crew left and I got a phone call from my mom and the kids and I ended up at the beach again. I thought for sure I would be in the water the whole time but instead I went and
More sand in places by ~Katalalyn on deviantART
and burnt the hell out of my back playing in the sand. This one isn't as well done as the mermaid but that's okay, I was just having fun. I have to say though that some people really make me wish I could punch them in the face. Not even a moment after I was done snapping the pictures this kid came running up and stomped on it. Now granted children do things like that and he looked a bit sad like he had just miss stepped, what bothered me is his dad who came over:
"well it was nice, eh" and I just stared at him "well I guess he can play here now" I didn't mind so much about the kid but thats just ridiculous, clearly he could see I was working hard on this but instead of saying something to his child or asking his child to apologize he just brushed it aside. What is wrong with parents these days that they don't even bother to correct behavior.
Came home and made a cobbler and some tacos for dinner and sat down at my computer once the kids were in bed. It's amazing how boring a computer can be when you have nothing in particular to do on it. However, no matter how bored I was with it to begin with by the end of the evening I wished it had stayed boring.
My ex always said I was never happy with anything, that unless something was perfect I couldn't appreciate it and I'm beginning wonder if maybe he wasn't right. My boyfriend has done everything in his power to make me happy and yet I still found room to complain. I don't think I had an invalid complaint but I think maybe I use it as a way to push people away. Everyone gets tired of dealing with other peoples shit and if I just load on enough of it the person will leave, like everyone else. I only do it to people I want to be with too, how ridiculous is that, anyone else and I have no problem with the way they are, how they act, even if I care about them as a friend, I know I can walk away at any time, much like a babysitter. You aren't my child and so at the end of the day you can go home to your parent but what if you are my child, what if at the end of the day you are my child and I'm sitting here staring at you and wondering when you are going to leave me in the empty house. That is how it always feels, like I'm just waiting for people to walk away but the problem comes when I know I'm not going to want you to walk away, I'm going to hurt so badly when you do, which eventually you will. Maybe he will change this about me, maybe he will realize how to make believe.
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