The things we miss

This last weekend I had The British Man over for tea. It was a blast, we watched T.V., killed zombies, shot terrorists in the face. It was a nice break from the norm of not having anyone to hang out with but it made me a bit sad too, specially when it was over and I had to take him home. I used to spend a lot of my time with people. My house was always open to visitors. People were constantly walking in and out of my door and there was laughter and funtimes. The British Man, The British Echo, The Programer, The Mezikan are all missed dearly but I find I miss CSI the most, my own personal Scarecrow it seems. I try not dwelling on people I miss greatly when I know I can't change that fact, it just continually makes me upset and sad. However, I hadn't realized how greatly I miss the group, how much the lack of my sister's presence would effect the way I related to the people I know. I've never missed someone more. Even when SES was out in Afghanistan, I had this secure feeling I would get his time when he had it but its not relative with her. She gives her time to The British Man, as it should be, so I get whatever time I can get, when I can get it but it means that feeling of getting her time is gone.

This coming weekend is Bubbaloo's birthday party, I don't even know who is coming, I just know I've put in a lot of effort and time and I feel wiped of energy. Everyone got sick this week and so I'm trying to do the last of the work for his party while coughing ridiculously. I detest being sick when I have nothing better to do, it's so much worse when I have things I need to get accomplished. Being sick makes me so extremely lazy.

This years theme really is all about rediscovering. I have a friend who I don't talk to often and haven't in some time and there he is, talking to me like not a day has gone by. Since he technically never stopped talking to me, I suppose The Lion doesn't entirely count but Bellingham sure does. It's been years since we spoke and then out of no where, there she is. I've missed her. I hate being one of those people who realizes how much they miss someone only after reconnecting with them. I want to be able to appreciate the people I love and cherish not only while they are in my life but even if they end up not being in it anymore. Maybe this year I will be able to finally discover myself as well, the things I need and want and know myself, if not completely, then at least a bit more than I did before.

It's funny how life works. How people come into or back into your life at just the right moments. How you can find people who make everything seem like it will be okay in the end. Giving me the strength I need to be strong.