Note for future reference

How is it that one can be so deliberately ridiculous? Don't get me wrong, everyone makes mistakes, everyone has their blonde moments (no offence meant, though I'm sure some taken) but when every action you take is a serious offence to everyone involved you really need to stop and examine yourself. If someone is constantly having a complaint about your behavior or your lack of action, then maybe you should take a good hard look at yourself. Sometimes situations don't permit certain actions, that is understandable, however when even you can clearly see you are failing, why continue in that course?

I just don't understand him anymore. I'm so angry with him all the time, maybe its clouding my judgement but mostly all I can ask myself is: Was I really so blind to not see all this or did his personality and behavior really just take a pitfall? How can he not see that what he does so clearly affects the kidlets. Sure they are a handful, but they are our handfuls and therefore our responsibility. I shouldn't expect more from him than this and yet its hard to see the complete lack of effort and not hope for more. I don't care what he does in his free time, I'm not concerned about his treatment of me, so long as it doesn't begin to twist the kids, but it confounds me at his complete lack of will to even try.

I don't expect perfection, I'm far from perfect. I'm often failing. I'm only human, emotions aren't completely controllable, I have my limits but I'm still trying, even if poorly, even if I'm coming up short. I'm still stumbling blindly forward. Maybe he is doing the same, maybe I just cant see it, maybe I don't wish to see it because being angry is so much easier or maybe it's time I just admit everyone else can see this situation more clearly than I can right now and listen to their advice.