I just caught the episode of Glee I recently missed "Never Been Kissed". Every now and then when I watch a show I read some of the comments left by other viewers just for s and gs. This episode gave me a bit of a sour taste in my mouth and one of the posts from another viewer pinpointed part of what bothered me about it:
Honest curiosity- why is it okay to say that an "ugly" woman kissing a "handsome" man is gross but not okay to say that two men kissing is? Not referring to homophobia at all, just people's immediate reactions to both scenes. I'm just honestly curious, after reading a few of the comments on here about how 'gross' it was for Shue and Beiste to kiss with almost no rebuttals while all negative comments about Kurt and the other boy kissing where immediately shot down. I'm sure certain people have visceral reactions to both scenes, so what makes one okay to acknowledge and the other not? Or is it because both Kurt and the other one were 'pretty' people. Why is one disgust just 'mean' and yet the other absolutely unacceptable/makes you a hateful, evil person? And I said this is apart from considerations of ingrained hate (I myself have plenty of boy love, but for instance, I will admit to having an immediate visceral disgust for the sight and smell of fried eggs- weak comparison, but hopefully it gets my point across). Thoughts?
(I have no idea who wrote this because it was deleted yet still viewing on the site.)
Now I also have no issue with homosexuals, I have many friends who are both straight and gay, so more power to the homosexual kiss. What bothered me about this episode was a layering of underlying meanings, much like my reading too much into the LXD situation, I'm sure someone will point out I've completely missed the lines on this one as well. This is the kiss in question:
I have no issue with people kissing, large or skinny, ugly or pretty, old or young, that's just whatever. If the people or characters in question love each other then who am I to find it weird or disgusting. This is an attitude I have probably because I am a larger woman and know full well how cruel people are in judgement of people who aren't skinny. There were however a few things that bothered me about this kiss, the least of all their physical appearances. My first thought while watching this scene was that I hoped it didn't end exactly as it did.
The whole episode was a two fold story, the main one being about bullying homosexuals, and the second about treating larger people with disrespect by using that person as an image to impede sexual stimulation. The main part of the episode being focused on the former story line and not the later. That isn't to say that homosexual bullying should take a lesser seat but that this development is one that should have been explored just as heatedly. Abuse and bullying of larger people is pretty rampant and highly overlooked. Now I'm sure many of you are thinking "Well it wasn't just that she is big but also because she isn't pretty." First off that doesn't excuse it in any manner or make it any less about her weight because many people equate someone of size with ugliness. Now I'm not saying that we all have to have the same sexual appetite and I can understand someone not wanting to have sexual relations with someone of size but it's so much more then that, it's about treating someone as a human instead of less of one.
The problem I really saw is that they pushed it beyond just the characters treating another in that manner but that being a larger person she has "never been kissed". It's like saying a larger person can't find anyone else who will love them and want to be with them. This happened in the first season too, didn't it. Ken Tenaka is seen as this larger dumpy annoying fat guy. He loves Emma and promises to be good to her but of course he could never get the girl because the much better looking Will also likes her. Doesn't matter that Will is married, sad, a larger person can't even win over a married man. Now granted people who are larger tend to have a specific demographic of people who want a larger person, i.e. as a fetish, but that doesn't mean that a person who isn't skinny doesn't have just as many feelings, wants and needs as their smaller counterparts and yet in the media large people are often treated as if this isn't the case, as if all large people are dumpy, frumpy, silly or just unnecessary. There are plenty of people who are large who don't wish to be and just as many who are happy with themselves as they are. It's not hard to see why someone who is large wouldn't be discouraged though.
It's tiring how judgmental people are towards people of a larger persuasion and yet it's readily acceptable for someone to mock and torment a large person. In our society it's seen as funny when point in fact it's cruel, just as cruel as any other form of bullying. If ordering a salad there is always that "Who are you trying to impress?" look or the "Not really eating these all the time" look or the "Isn't really helping is it?" look. When ordering a steak there is always the "Figures" look. On the bus the empty seat next to a larger person is often empty, as if people think that the fat could rub off like some sort of skin disease. Someone so easily will overlook the cruel behavior of others when it's directed towards a larger person, even if that same person is the first to jump in if a comment is racial or sexist. It just doesn't seem so bad because its acceptable for people to be mean in such a way since larger people are looked down upon as lazy, choosing this for themselves.
Not everyone chooses to be large, true there are many who really don't do the right things for themselves, they over eat and never exercise and then complain when they can't move from their beds anymore. That isn't what I'm talking about, though food is tempting and often a hard drug type urge to ignore for a larger person, they are still making the choice to put the wrong foods in their mouths, in ridiculous quantities, without regard to how much physical output they are doing. What I'm talking about are the people who seriously try to lose the weight and struggle with it every day, the ones who work out and eat right and find it torturous to walk in front of the bakery in the grocery store and yet still manage to walk away. You know who you are. It's difficult, you cry and stress and starve yourself because you want to be someone other people don't look at with disgust, as if you chose this for yourself and weren't just born that way. Why do people feel they even have the right to look at someone with disgust? Do you know what that person has been through? Do you know if maybe they had a bad accident and can't use their leg very well anymore and so put on weight? Maybe they have a genetic disorder or are a diabetic. Why is it that if someone is larger they "brought it upon themselves"?
Second. Pity love is just ludicrous. No one wants to be pity kissed and that's mostly what I saw when he went in to kiss her. She spends the time ranting that she has never been kissed, "what does that say about me?", not very much actually, if you are a kind and generous and loving person and other people can't see it then shame on them and their loss. As if a pity kiss would make you feel better about yourself anyways. Oh yay, I can't get a real kiss and so when I lament about it I get one filled with pity about my sob story. Please. If she had been a thin and "pretty" woman, they would have never thrown this story line her way. Who would believe a pretty thin girl would stay single and never been kissed even into her 40s... exactly... people just wouldn't believe it but make it a larger woman who isn't conventionally beautiful and easily people stomach it. Not just stomach it but accept it as a valid notion, not even stereotyped, just as truth. Sad that people are so preoccupied by looks to notice true beauty, the kind that only comes from a good heart.
This rant seems to be going in circles and probably not really making much sense. I think in part because it's late and I'm sleepy and partly because it's hard getting down in words a way of being treated that so obviously left scars.
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