Getting the ball bouncing

I've been running recently. I've been meaning to run anyways but it feels good to get into something. I have found I actually enjoy it. I thought I would hate it, I've never really been big on running before but since I'm doing this to achieve my goal it doesn't feel like the chore it once did. I find I can make it almost entirely around the block with minimal stopping, and my stops are pretty short, I walk about ten steps and then get back into the run. Gotta start somewhere. Except for the run, I haven't worked out in a couple days, I was doing paperwork and made my room a complete disaster, one which I have yet to completely sort through. I plan on working out tonight, I asked my mother if she would like to do some with me, and she agreed, maybe she and I can do some bonding over such things.

Yesterday was a good day. I went and ran errands with my mom, We got the cloth for the chair covers and for the kids Halloween costumes. Baby Grr has decided on being the new Strawberry Shortcake and Bubbaloo wants to be the guy from Scream. We then went to Fred Meyers, I have wanted for years now to work in the bakery department of any store or in a bakery itself. I have never had the chance but we happened to walk by, even though it was out of our way to what we needed to get, I would say it was fate, they are looking for a new baker. When I asked about job positions in the bakery, they practically jumped at me with huge smiles. I applied online last night and got the call this morning for an interview this afternoon. I'm excited. I hope it doesn't show too much, I don't want to just give away any chance of getting maybe a tiny bit more then minimum. It is an early shift after all. That evening my brother, my mother and I were all doing some cleaning downstairs, we spent the evening laughing and joking and speaking to one another like grown adults. It's so rare when that happens and I really enjoyed myself, it would be nice if the whole living together experience could be more like that and less like what it has been like so far.

I miss The Shoulder to pieces, he is only a hour away, it feels like so much more, like the world is between us. We aren't even dating, what silly feelings to be having and yet they are there, and when he text me earlier I couldn't help but grin uncontrollably. It seems only natural to miss him to such an extent.

Spent the morning getting the rest of the divorce paperwork done, it's amazing how final that makes things feel. I'm glad this is getting sorted, its tiring always feeling like you are waiting for your life to begin again.

I will go to my interview and I will come home and make dinner and then I shall wait for the ball to stop rolling and to start bouncing.

Destroyed in seconds

It's amazingly unfair how one person can make you feel utterly worthless. For years I tried everything to make him see me, to want to be there when we went places, to want to even go there in the first place. Years of always asking, always trying, always pushing. I can recount, on my hands, the amount of times we went out. Family outings were almost next to none, it was as if he really didn't care if he was around us or not, or maybe, he just didn't care if he was around me. It's hard to say, the effort he is now making with the kids seems minimal to me, fighting over me trying to GIVE him the right to see his children. He doesn't seem to CARE if he does, I shouldn't care that he goes out with other people, that he spends him time doing all the things I always asked of him to do with me. Yet it still hurts, wasn't I good enough? You slept with me, had kids with me, made a life with me, but spending actual time with me, that, by far, was too much? I never thought I would even think that the last ten years was a waste and yet he so clearly demonstrates how much he thought it was and though I know there is a large difference between taking the kids out for one weekend of fun and a lifetime of doing things together, I can so plainly see the disparaging gap between what we did together for so many years and what it is he does with his time now. I don't want to care how he spends it, and for the most part I don't dwell on it. It's hard to ignore when other people point it out though. It's unseemly to weep for something I know I will no longer have, for something I really no longer want, with the way I was so crudely tossed aside, but the fact of the matter is that it still bites, hard and deep, and rips at wounds that haven't entirely healed, just scabbed over.

Randomization

I smell like a taco. More specifically a corn tortilla. Not that it doesn't seem mildly fitting but still not entirely the impression I wish to portray. Can't you just see it:

Me: "Hi"

Whoever: "Hello"

Me: "Nice weather we are having."

Whoever: "It's raining."

Me: "I know, I like the rain."

Whoever: "Uh huh"

Me: "Okay well have a nice day"

Whoever: "You too" turns to friend "Was it just me or did she smell like tortillas?"

Friend: "Yeah I was just thinking that."

I already seem crazy enough with my nice weather comment on rain, I don't need any help from strange smells. Sure, I love tacos, I think they are just plain Good Eats. The smell of the sauted onions (I can't make the accent mark ;-;) and garlic, the browning of the meat, wonderful smells, even better flavors. I made tacos the other night, in fact. I just don't want to smell like one.

So why do I? Well a couple months ago I bought this soap set:

and most of the scents I've rather enjoyed, one of them I had a weird skin reaction to,

broke out in a rash on my arm, but thats neither here nor there. Ones like Apricot & Honey

or Fig & Pear were wonderful. I tried using the scents I cared for least at the beginning, I

suppose I missed one. Mandarin & Bergamot. I think the other scents next to it hid the true

scent of it when I smelled it, kept thinking it smelt something good, WRONG. If not for the

fact that it would be wasteful to throw it out, I would. I don't need to smell like a corn tortilla,

no one does. Oh well, at least the next one is Coconut & Cocoa Butter, and then onto

Citrus & Ginger.

_______________________________________

So errand day today, running to and fro, looking for my head, all sorts of good things. Not

really, mostly just a trip to the post office and going to Bubbaloo's new school. They were

terribly helpful, nice, didn't rip off their human disguises to reveal a slimy green alien being

who believes human head a delicacy, such a plus. I hope he feels at home there, I want him

to enjoy his school since he actually loves learning right now, I don't want it to go away due

to bad experiences.

The post office was pleasant. Small but smelled of newness. I believe it looked even nicer

then the one in Bellevue, which is weird, seeing as it is something like the 5th richest city

in Washington. Maybe the people here just value their mail more, even though most of it

is junk. There were only two mailmen behind the counter but they were exceedingly

helpful, did not at all look like they would be coming in with semi-autos any time soon.

We went to Fred Meyers and bought the last of the school supplies. I swear that every

store has been out of almost anything resembling items on the school lists. I could not find,

and still didn't, plain ol' pink erasers. I ended up with these girly looking pink and purple

swirl ones for Bubbaloo. It was a complete run on pencils and such and I saw these two

ladies fighting over a particular notebook for their respective daughters. I'm not entirely

sure why people get so bent over things that are going to be lost, traded or destroyed in

just a couple weeks time. YAY FOR BESTING A WOMAN IN THE ISLE OF THE LOCAL

STORE OVER JUNK, surely the peasants rejoiced.

The kids were unbelievably good today. Sitting quietly when only told once, reading books

in the corner as I filled out paperwork. Asking just a couple questions, always saying please,

thank you and excuse me. I was astounded. I swear, someone came and stole them in the

middle of the night and replaced them with robots. However because of their excellent

behavior I decided to treat them, mind you good behavior isn't always treated, it's a random

occurrence, so I have reminded them that the more often they are good, the more likely a

treat is to be had, they seemed rather thoughtful of this notion. I digress. Anyways, Dairy

Queen is right next to the school so I took them there since they get a treat with their kid

meal. I have to say, for a fast food chain this one looked more like a sit down restaurant.

Clean, smelled nice, had new fancy tile which cost more then my car I'm sure. I was highly

impressed with just the look of it and I'm sure I will go back again. (I shall try to remember

to take pictures of it next time I do) What killed me though was when they handed me a

number card and then ten minutes later they brought the food to our table. Granted

sometimes places like Pizza Hut do that but I've never seen a fast food burger chain doing

such things. It was a refreshing twist. I have to say though, for them to be able to do that it

would seem they don't garner a great deal of business, I know its a small community and all

but still.

My abs are a bit achy, I have worked out the last two nights this week which I am happy

about but I haven't studied at all, which I'm annoyed with myself for. I need to get back into

doing it and stop being lazy. I could do some right now, I think I just might, that or I will get

offline and go piddle around and not get much of anything done anyways.

Life in boxes

Moving sucks. Everything gets tossed around, all your stuff is pushed to the side, everything you've been working on goes on the back burner. I'm sort of done. I finished my apartment, the packing, the cleaning, the walk through. Now I've been trying to get the rooms in the new place situated, the kids and my own, though the kids more so then mine because I don't want Bubbaloo to start school and then the first day be running around piles of stuff just laying about their room. Its amazing how much junk they have for two little kids. I've been so busy I've done little else with my time except laundry. So much laundry. That's pretty much why I've been MIA. Three weeks of nothing but packing and cleaning and unpacking, though only a few things here or there because not everything can be unpacked, in fact most things will be kept in boxes.

I haven't done much studying or working out, I should be, but I'm just so tired at the end of most days, it just doesn't happen. I'm hoping to get back into it tonight and keep up with it for the next two weeks so I can go speak with the recruiter.

I started a bunch of letters and they too have been neglected, if I owe you one, I apologize, I have been very busy. On the topic of keeping in touch with people, so many people ask me about Facebook. I would just like to make this clear once and for all. I do not have one, I shall never have one. I believe Facebook is from the devil, not literally of course, I'm not so sure he knows how to code, but it's mostly made up of drama llamas and whores and usually it's the same person. I'm too tired to bother with any more nonsense.

On a side note, I finished the four paintings that I gave as thank yous to the apartment managers and the maintenance man.

The Falls by ~Katalalyn on deviantART

Purple Winter by ~Katalalyn on deviantART

Moon Wave by ~Katalalyn on deviantART

The Calm by ~Katalalyn on deviantART