The urge

It's started. Five Boxes. Only five boxes. That's all I've done so far. I've only just gotten the DVDs done. Already I'm finding this difficult. I want very much to just leave all this stuff and walk away, let the apartment managers just toss it all out. I'm just tired of it all. So very tired. I want to crawl into a hole and cover my ears with my hands and ignore the whole situation. I feel emo and depressed. This should be motivating me to start anew. I was in tears by the end of it, pulling out all the DVDs that are his. Thinking about all the times we spent watching the movies I was now shoving into cardboard coffins. Yet, now that I've started I want to finish, just keep going and get it all done.

A year ago when I packed up all this stuff I was excited. I was going to a new place and doing something to help with the problems involved with all that was going on. This time I'm splitting up all the household items, I have no idea when I'll be opening these again. It feels like I'm finally saying goodbye, I'm putting my old life away. Next time I open these boxes I'll be starting in on my new life, I hope. Not that I'm not excited about starting out with my new life, I just didn't exactly want this to be the way I was finding myself again. I didn't expect such a huge all encompassing change to occur, I feel like the little kid on the carpet who just got his tower of bricks knocked over and has to start building yet again.

Even with all that, even though I was so distressed, when The Shoulder called I felt a lot better. He let me cry and he spent the time trying to get me to laugh, which I eventually did. I have no idea what I would do without him, what I'm going to do when he is no longer just a moments notice away. I owe him more then I could ever repay, he duct tapes my sanity back together. I love him to death.