Badly bleached hair, jittering and soft sobs, that's your entertainment while there. I watched the display for hours, most people dressed in clothes that looked as if they had been washed a million times and had faded into grayed versions of the color they were supposed to represent. It's one of those moments were you take a deep breath and hope you aren't going to be there for long with the horrible reminders of what you could become. I don't want to be sitting there ten years from now, wondering where my life went and how is it that I'm still struggling. I completely believe in federal funding to help people, not everyone goes there willingly, many would rather have a job, a good one, sometimes life just has other plans for you. I can understand that. I was there after all. I had never gone in for help before, SES and I had worked out plans that kept us living decently. I don't want to use help I don't absolutely need unless there is no way to avoid it, because if I use it whenever I could be taking it from someone who needs it more. I'm happy not having much so long as I have enough. The lady a couple rows in front of me obviously didn't have the same dilemma, she rambled away on her phone about how she had a nail appointment she was missing so she could get her food stamps reevaluated. I shouldn't have been floored and yet I was. That's ridiculous, if you need to be in there taking money for food, you really shouldn't be complaining about a missed nail appointment. Seriously? I don't like assuming things, so I let my anger subside since, who knows, this person could have gotten a gift card for it from a family member better off than she, it could be that someone else is paying for it because she is going to be in a wedding party, any slew of possibilities could be the reason, though I'm not sure I even still believe that that was the case, what got me was the complaint. Sure no one wants to be there but hell, if you are, be happy to be there, you are going to get money, for food, money you supposedly didn't have before.
I was taken back by a very nice lady who I wont name. She was pleasant and reassuring, we spoke and I told her I don't want to be on the programs she offered, that I would rather work instead, but without a job offer I had little choice in the matter. She seemed rather surprised, confessed that most come in with a sob story and plea to get everything they should, that very few come in with the notion that this is temporary, that working would be a better answer. How is it no one has come in accepting something so simple? We discussed a few options and then she told me she could give me money for food that day. I was overjoyed and then thanked her profusely. I think she started to tear up. I suppose most people come in and expect things be given to them, demand they get their fair share, and have that air that it's theirs in the first place so why are the social workers being so difficult in giving it to them. I guess having someone be genuinely thankful for the help was something she hadn't experienced in a long time, if ever.
I asked a few more questions and she gave me a pamphlet with information about the EBT card I now have in my possession. It's accepted practically everywhere, even Costco, and works mostly like a debit card. Which means only the cashier, someone who knows what the EBT card looks like and myself will know I'm on food stamps. That wasn't always the case, a long time ago, back when my family was on them before, they had these booklets, full of what looked like play money. You would get the total and then would stand there, in line trying to pay the cashier with pieces of paper so obviously not real money. It was terribly embarrassing and people got annoyed because it took a great deal of time and if you didn't use them all in one month they expired, if I remember correctly. It's the same amount given every month, but some months are often more expensive then others, like holiday months. The card just carries over the balance, meaning, you could potentially save up some money to make sure you have more for months that will cost more. While going over the rules there was a question that stood out. "What if the POS machine isn't working?" I laughed and asked the woman what POS stood for. She couldn't completely recall entirely, Personal Something Something. I just laughed and she inquired as to why, I asked her if she knew the other meaning for POS and she told me she did not. I gave her one of those "I shouldn't have brought it up smiles" and then told her that most people know it as Piece of Shit. She laughed and grabbed another pamphlet and looked at it and began laughing even more "What if the piece of shit machine isn't working, haha, that fits pretty well though." "Yeah" We talked about a few more acronyms like that, mainly the SLUT (South Lake Union Tram/Trolley) which is what they were thinking of calling the Tram system they are trying to bring to Washington.
When I left I practically skipped to my car. Being on food stamps is nothing to be proud of but it sure does lift at least a single burden from flooded cup of worries. Something I have been needing for awhile. Not having to worry about other people feeling generous in buying or asking me why I want what I want or why I'm getting it. It's frustrating feeling like someone else has control over the things you need.
Later I went to Costco and as I was putting the food onto the conveyor belt, the cashier began asking me a bunch of questions about the EBT card and I told him what I knew. There was a man a couple people back who was clicking his tongue and shaking his head. The cashier saw him and said "It's pretty cool that you can use it here, I didn't know Costco took them." to which I then replied "Yeah, it is pretty cool, I didn't know either, though it's embarrassing to be the one paying with an EBT card" He gave me this weird look and I smiled and shrugged and said "Eff it, I would rather eat than have dignity though" and he, the line and I all had a good laugh. I can't help but laugh at such things.
Oh the joys of poorness.
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