Crack and the video game faerie

So the last couple of days have been interesting, to say the least.

Last week or so I wanted a danish pastry. I had been craving something sweet but couldn't figure out what it was I wanted. Sometime that day I spoke with with either The Swede or the Dutchman about donuts and danish were mentioned. It was like the light bulb clicking on, that was exactly what I had had in mind. So I searched for a recipe and the next day I went to work, trying to make danish. That first batch was a complete failure. Nothing about the dough turned out right, though the cream was tasty. I hadn't the drive to try again until earlier this week went I made the dough but I ran out of time during the day to make the actual pastries so the next day I laminated the dough and today I baked them, they turned out amazingly. I tend to get overly happy when I bake, I sing and dance or just make up weird diddies, like earlier I was singing "you will be a tastey treat, gooey flaky and warm BUT FIRST YOU NEED TO GO INTO THE OVEN AND BAKE UNTIL YOU ARE BROWN" and the last part I did in this demonic sounding voice and then I burst into laughter. I really love baking, I wish I could find a job as a baker. If I'm left to my devices the jovial feeling I get lasts for a long time, it's been hours since I finished and I'm still giddy. Baking is my crack, apparently.

Orange Danish by ~Katalalyn on deviantART

Also, I got a visit from The Video Game Faerie. Brewski got his paycheck and needed to go to the bank, so I went along because I wanted out of the house and was bored. We headed over and picked up his paycheck but he needed to cash it so we headed to the bank and since the bank is next to Gamestop, he wanted to go in and see if there was anything cheap he might want to get. He told me, since I've been feeling really down lately, that he would get me one of the cheaper preowned games, so I went in search of Rainbow Six Vegas 2. I used to own the Rainbow Six Vegas awhile ago but SES took it with him when he deployed and it was lost to me. Brewski bought it for me for Christmas, after much searching, but we've already played through it and I wanted the second one if I could. It's so hard to find though and this I lamented, out loud. A woman, who I incidentally almost ran into, mentioned that she had more then one copy of the game and would be willing to give it to me if I wanted. I was completely floored, she wasn't asking for anything in return, didn't even ask for the same amount my brother would have been willing to pay for it from the store, would just give it to me. She handed me her phone number and told me to call in a hour, just enough time to get home and check her games. Brewski said he would still buy me a game, since he doubted it would actually happen and we found Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare for 10 bucks. Bruce offered to buy it for me and as we stood in line I was gleefully commenting on all the fun I was going to have that night. At one point I said "I can't wait to go home and shoot people in the head." The cashier looked at me and gave me that "I know what you mean" grin. I laughed and said "I think this is the only store where saying I'm going to go home and shoot people in the head not only wont get the police called on you but is also somehow a bonding moment." Everyone stopped and looked at me and the cashier and Brewski both looked at me funny and then said "I've never though of it that way." "Me either". Brewski and I decided to walk around the mall for a bit, since it hadn't been a hour yet. No point going home only to drive back over that way. A hour later I gave her a call and she didnt answer, so I left what felt like a very embarrassing message "uh, yeah, Im the girl you said you would give the game to, uh, if you are still willing to, which I would really appreciate it, just give me a call" I mean, really embarrassing, it felt I was begging, I mean hell, I really wanted the game and I was racking my brain for a way to repay her if she came through but it still made me feel a bit ridiculous. About 15 minutes later she calls back and we agree we will meet me at the local Albertsons in 15 minutes. On the way there I wrote down my information on a piece of paper. When she finally got there I handed it over. I have no money, I was just trying to get out of the house, but I can bake, as shown above, and I offered baked goods, a birthday cake, cookies, something. She pocketed it and then turned to her car and grabbed not one but a stack of green cases. She not only, very generously, gave me Rainbow Six Vegas 2 but five games in total. I was floored, I still am.

I'm still up on my baking high, I should probably try to take advantage of that while I can and do something physical, like work out or play my kinect. Other then that, homemade Mac and Cheese for dinner.... mmmmmm... Mac and Cheese...

See...crack.

The starting of things

So I began a food journal. I was watching a T.V show called Superskinny vs Supersized. The premise of it is that two people switch diets to see how their diets can make them feel.

I started the journal because there is a part where they show the food consumption of the participants in tube. I don't know why this above anything else has inspired me to keep a food journal but it has. I used to watch another show where they did something like this as well, it was a woman who tried to help people with their nutrition.

But that show never made me want to try and work out what and how much I had been eating, mostly just made me a bit sick to my stomach. So here I am, trying to see it all int he course of my days what it is I'm doing right or wrong, as the case may be. This is what it looks like so far:

Monday 1/17/2011

Breakfast *

½ c cottage cheese

1 peach half

¼ cup syrup

Lunch **

1 slice of apple walnut bread

2 slices of bread

1 ts mayo

¼ ts mustard

1 slice of turkey

10 pieces of spinach

1 slice of havarti cheese

1 6 oz cup of strawberry yogart

Dinner ***

5 corn tortillas

2 flour tortillas

3 cups of chicken, onions, peppers

½ c sour cream

Snacks ****

½ almond snickers bar

12 spicy hot cheetos

½ c dried pears

1 fruit leather

1 sweet and salty granola bar

Drinks

1 12 oz cup of apple juice **

Tuesday 1/18/2011

Breakfast *

1 english muffin

½ ts unsalted butter

Lunch **

2 chimichangas

½ slice apple bread

Dinner ***

½ c multigrain cheerios

½ c 2% milk

2 slices of buttermilk bread

1 slice turkey

1 slice muenster cheese

6 pieces of spinach

1 6 oz blueberry yogart

½ c dried pears

Snacks ****

2 cheetos

4 oatmeal craisin white chocolate pecan cookie

¼ dry multigrain cheerios

1 baby bell cheese round

Drinks

8 oz mixed soda ***

Wednesday 1/19/2011

Breakfast *

1 ½ c multigrain cheerios

½ c 2% milk

Lunch **

Dinner ***

3 flour tortillas

70 g shredded chicken breast

½ c shredded spinach

½ c shredded cheese

¼ c chopped tomatoes

2 tbs sour cream

¼ c rice

Snacks ****

1 slice apple walnut bread

1 baby bell cheese round

1 oatmeal craisin white chocolate pecan cookie

Drinks

2 12oz c apple juice ***

I snacked more than I thought I did and though most of them were healthier snacks, it's never good to snack to excess. I did relatively well on the first and third day but my second I really failed at it. I also haven't been working out, I don't need a break from that I just couldn't seem to get up the motivation to do it. I've been in a big drawing and painting mood instead. I need to work through finding a good balance between that and my want to work out. I do enjoy working out, I just get lazy.

The drawings I've been working on:

Steampunk Girl by ~Katalalyn on deviantART

Dexter by ~Katalalyn on deviantART

Jump by ~Katalalyn on deviantART

The painting I finished and gave to my mom to give to her friend for her birthday:

Swirl by ~Katalalyn on deviantART

makes me think of an abstract boob.

The paintings I started but haven't finished yet, I do that sometimes, start and then stop because I've lost my inspiration and then I go back to them when I get it back, which is where the abstract boob also came from:

So let us hope I get over my laziness and work out some tonight. I dunno, I'm extremely tired it seems.

The boredom that envelopes

I've been terribly bored the last two days. Not the drastically not wanting to sleep boredom that had me in its grips the other day but a more mundane and pervasive boredom, the kind that comes from when you've been doing lots of stuff all at once and then everything slacks off and you are trying to get back into normality, that sort of boredom. It's one of those times where you start doing things just to try and kill time. I was drawing, did a few I liked, my drawing has gotten better but nothing as good as if could be if I just practiced a bit more. I've been thinking of painting and I've done some baking and all those things are grand and dandy but I think boredom is hitting harder these days because I really would rather be working and not sitting around the house all day.

35 bottles of water on the wall

You know that sort of boredom one can fall into where nothing at all seems like fun? Where even things that normally make you feel happy and excited are perceived as dull and pointless, where sleep threatens to overpower you, no matter the time, and yet going to sleep feels just as boring as everything else and so you stay awake and stare numbingly at objects wishing you were doing anything but what you are doing. That was me, last night, at around 8 pm., though if I was to be honest, all day was sort of like that. I baked the day before, made danish, it didn't turn out exactly right but I think I know what I did wrong and I'm going to try again today since the filling was really good. I've painted recently. We even played a good deal of Rainbow Six Vegas, I was just at that point where I was out of things that sounded like fun to do. Long ramble is long. So 8:30 rolls around and Brewski tells me his coworker I Love Clowns asked him to go to a cd release party. I commented on how that would be fun and he invited me along. I took a 10 minutes to get ready, including showering and ran down the stairs and we left. We got to the bar and Brewski generously paid for my entrance and we sat down and ordered. Brewski ordered a random drink from the barmaid and she brought him a glass of Total Domination from IPA, I Love Clowns had an O'Doul's and I, as is par, ordered a water. The bands were decent, the first and 4th were good but the rest I didn't care for much. I think I drank something like 35 cups of water in the end. I was constantly going to bar to get a new cup of water, after awhile they just gave me a water pitcher so I wouldn't have to keep coming back. It gave me a good laugh. Talked with some band members, enjoyed a good conversation with an ex Air Force Reservist and then went home. All and all it was an excellent night.

This morning I spent most of it doing nada, I couldn't really sleep last night so I was a bit tired, I didn't do much but then part way through the day I started to get a bit bored again, then The Swede got online. I love talking with him. We have such different ways of looking at things yet we get along. He makes me feel a lot of things I haven't felt before or in a long time in just the way he. It would be nice if we could meet at some point, though I'm sure that would signal the end of the world.

Things that amuse and demoralize

I went to dshs the other day, it's amazing how sad that place is. No one wants to end up at the Department of Social and Health Services, no one wants to know they are on their last life line, no one wants to be there and yet there we all were. I tried to nap, got into a conversation about books, most notably Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card, tried just staring at the wall, nothing takes you out of the situation. You are there and somewhere you failed to do something that brought you there. I failed at finding a job, something I can and hope to rectify.

Badly bleached hair, jittering and soft sobs, that's your entertainment while there. I watched the display for hours, most people dressed in clothes that looked as if they had been washed a million times and had faded into grayed versions of the color they were supposed to represent. It's one of those moments were you take a deep breath and hope you aren't going to be there for long with the horrible reminders of what you could become. I don't want to be sitting there ten years from now, wondering where my life went and how is it that I'm still struggling. I completely believe in federal funding to help people, not everyone goes there willingly, many would rather have a job, a good one, sometimes life just has other plans for you. I can understand that. I was there after all. I had never gone in for help before, SES and I had worked out plans that kept us living decently. I don't want to use help I don't absolutely need unless there is no way to avoid it, because if I use it whenever I could be taking it from someone who needs it more. I'm happy not having much so long as I have enough. The lady a couple rows in front of me obviously didn't have the same dilemma, she rambled away on her phone about how she had a nail appointment she was missing so she could get her food stamps reevaluated. I shouldn't have been floored and yet I was. That's ridiculous, if you need to be in there taking money for food, you really shouldn't be complaining about a missed nail appointment. Seriously? I don't like assuming things, so I let my anger subside since, who knows, this person could have gotten a gift card for it from a family member better off than she, it could be that someone else is paying for it because she is going to be in a wedding party, any slew of possibilities could be the reason, though I'm not sure I even still believe that that was the case, what got me was the complaint. Sure no one wants to be there but hell, if you are, be happy to be there, you are going to get money, for food, money you supposedly didn't have before.

I was taken back by a very nice lady who I wont name. She was pleasant and reassuring, we spoke and I told her I don't want to be on the programs she offered, that I would rather work instead, but without a job offer I had little choice in the matter. She seemed rather surprised, confessed that most come in with a sob story and plea to get everything they should, that very few come in with the notion that this is temporary, that working would be a better answer. How is it no one has come in accepting something so simple? We discussed a few options and then she told me she could give me money for food that day. I was overjoyed and then thanked her profusely. I think she started to tear up. I suppose most people come in and expect things be given to them, demand they get their fair share, and have that air that it's theirs in the first place so why are the social workers being so difficult in giving it to them. I guess having someone be genuinely thankful for the help was something she hadn't experienced in a long time, if ever.

I asked a few more questions and she gave me a pamphlet with information about the EBT card I now have in my possession. It's accepted practically everywhere, even Costco, and works mostly like a debit card. Which means only the cashier, someone who knows what the EBT card looks like and myself will know I'm on food stamps. That wasn't always the case, a long time ago, back when my family was on them before, they had these booklets, full of what looked like play money. You would get the total and then would stand there, in line trying to pay the cashier with pieces of paper so obviously not real money. It was terribly embarrassing and people got annoyed because it took a great deal of time and if you didn't use them all in one month they expired, if I remember correctly. It's the same amount given every month, but some months are often more expensive then others, like holiday months. The card just carries over the balance, meaning, you could potentially save up some money to make sure you have more for months that will cost more. While going over the rules there was a question that stood out. "What if the POS machine isn't working?" I laughed and asked the woman what POS stood for. She couldn't completely recall entirely, Personal Something Something. I just laughed and she inquired as to why, I asked her if she knew the other meaning for POS and she told me she did not. I gave her one of those "I shouldn't have brought it up smiles" and then told her that most people know it as Piece of Shit. She laughed and grabbed another pamphlet and looked at it and began laughing even more "What if the piece of shit machine isn't working, haha, that fits pretty well though." "Yeah" We talked about a few more acronyms like that, mainly the SLUT (South Lake Union Tram/Trolley) which is what they were thinking of calling the Tram system they are trying to bring to Washington.

When I left I practically skipped to my car. Being on food stamps is nothing to be proud of but it sure does lift at least a single burden from flooded cup of worries. Something I have been needing for awhile. Not having to worry about other people feeling generous in buying or asking me why I want what I want or why I'm getting it. It's frustrating feeling like someone else has control over the things you need.

Later I went to Costco and as I was putting the food onto the conveyor belt, the cashier began asking me a bunch of questions about the EBT card and I told him what I knew. There was a man a couple people back who was clicking his tongue and shaking his head. The cashier saw him and said "It's pretty cool that you can use it here, I didn't know Costco took them." to which I then replied "Yeah, it is pretty cool, I didn't know either, though it's embarrassing to be the one paying with an EBT card" He gave me this weird look and I smiled and shrugged and said "Eff it, I would rather eat than have dignity though" and he, the line and I all had a good laugh. I can't help but laugh at such things.

Oh the joys of poorness.

Dreams galore

So yesterday was a bit eh but also mildly fun. Mom came home the night before from being gone all week up north for work, she stayed at a friends house to cut down on commuting, she asked me if I wanted to go out to lunch. I agreed but only because sometimes I wonder if I will hear more by disagreeing then dealing with what comes. Sure enough the moment we were in the car she use the time to inform me about the many things she wished to discuss, I think she likes to talk then because I can't just run away. So she gabbed the whole time to the restaurant, then when I went to respond to her she told me to be quiet because she wanted to enjoy her meal. Have you ever met someone who makes you wish you were violent in nature... that's my mom for you. We originally were going to go to Olive Garden but nothing there sounded tempting, I opted for Red Robin because I'm always up for a good burger, she wasn't all that happy with that so I mentioned the Thai place in the mall, I didn't really want Thai but she was paying so I wasn't about to complain. She looked and she really wanted to eat there but she wanted the early bird special, however it was only 2 and that doesn't start till 3:30. She was adamant she should ask and see if she could get the discount anyways, I'm all for asking if its something that you really don't know particulars on, but this is pretty cut and dry, so I walked off. When she caught up with me she saw this Sushi place, all you can eat, and then wanted to eat there. I would have been happy with burgers and fries but she wanted the "experience". By that I mean that you sat down and they put sushi on a conveyor belt and you plucked it off as it came by. So we stayed and ate, I'm not terribly fond of fish but the food wasn't terrible, the whole place made me think of CSI though. She loves sushi, she would have loved that place, all you can eat for 11, not bad. Made me miss her a great deal.

After we left we walked around the mall for a bit, we hit Icing and she went in and bought this unbelievably ridiculously ugly necklace. I dislike when she buys stuff and I'm around, she asks for my opinion and she and I have very different tastes in things but if I tell her my opinion about the item she gets personally offended. We have had more then a few arguments because I dislike the way something looks. I don't understand why I can't dislike something. I'm not a glitter person, I don't like gems almost ever, I dislike most cutesy things and would rather be violently ill and lying on a dirty bathroom floor then be caught wearing some form of light pink. My tennies are black with pink designs on them, they were the only style girls sneakers and they were 10 bucks, I will suffer through that because I get pleasure in knowing I'm treading those frufru pink pieces of junk through mud and grime. So when she looks at something and goes "Isn't this cute" I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Do I tell her what I think and have her get mad at me for it or do I try to avoid telling her my opinion and get her less angry reaction to my indifference. Either way I'm really on the short end. I chose to shrug and walk away, I was surprised she didn't have some sort of fit about that, it's one of the few times that has actually worked.

After Icing we left the mall and went to Joann's Fabrics, we walked around for a bit and then I opted to look at patterns, I love looking at patterns, I keep trying to find a nice Victorian style outfit. I really like the Steampunk style, so I would like to get into making some stuff like that, but for now just a nice Victorian dress will do. I love bloomers but Butterick is usually the only pattern maker that has the best historical but they weren't on sale. However the McCall patterns were, an amazing sale, I'm sure they do it every year but it was still a nice find since I hadn't been looking for it. What was originally a 15-20 dollar pattern ended up being .99 cent a piece. I settled for these four and what would have been 60-80 dollars was just 4. Ah Life's little joys.

We came home and the kidlets finally came back from being with SES, they ran to me and hugged me and kissed me all over and though having a break was nice, I really did miss them. I put their car seats in my car and then they had me close my eyes and they presented me with a box. I started getting all teary eyed. I love boxes, I'm not sure why but I do, now I know the kids don't know that, so it was a bit of a weird moment for me. He was adamant that they had wanted to make a box but he didn't clearly answer why he didn't just keep this thing the kids had made with him. I love it though.

So we ate and they went to bed, and I stayed up chatting with my friend The Swede. It's hard getting back into the swing of taking Armand to the bus because I haven't been waking up early or even on time but besides our argument over him wearing a thicker jacket it ran mostly smoothly. The rest of the day was pretty much just a repeat of yesterday, dealing with Mom, but even that seemed better in some ways, though much worse in others.

So now, onto the main event, for the last couple of days I've been having some weird dreams...

2010.12.31

I'm walking into a grocery store. The produce section is first and then I make it to floral department to the bakery. I walk behind the bakery counter even though I don't work there and start talking to someone who does. A few customers walk into the section and she walks out from behind the counter with some trays of samples and I follow behind her as she handed them out. Every time she turned the sample would change so I tried every sample she had. Finally she ran out of samples and walked into the back room, with me following her. While she was in there a boy came to the front desk and asked for a waffle. She said she was busy but asked me if I would like to make some. She began writing down the recipe for their waffles and I looked it over and decided it wasn't a very good recipe and went out of the room to presumably make the waffles but I continue watching her in the room. She sniffs the air and then comes out into the bakery, there are stacks of big fluffy sort of donut waffles all sizzling hot on a display in the middle of the bakery. People are crowding in the small bakery area to try and buy them and I'm off in the corner with stuff all over my face and hands and she just looks at me for a moment and comes over and asks if I can make them like this all the time and I answer yes. then all of the sudden it cuts to this guy in a factory with a huge batch making mixer on the phone with someone going "what do you mean you don't want my product anymore" over and over again before throwing his phone onto the floor.

2011.01.01

I'm at my grandmothers house and Hitler busts in with some large giant body guard. He demands I take him to the solarium because he has a "treat" for me. So we walk into the solarium and he opens the door that usually leads to the back door but instead when I look down I'm looking over the edge of a huge waterfall. He cackled behind me and I look up and see the side of the house with the rest of my family standing at the window, I wave them back and they move out of site. I turn back to him and he is says "Vell?" and I look back over the edge "Am I supposed to jump?" "Nien" "Then?" "Jast Vatch" and an explosion goes off in the distance and water comes rushing backwards towards the waterfall. The water fills the gorge about halfway and the water rushing sound becomes louder but not loud enough to drown out the sounds of the gunfire in the distance. Two more people are brought into the room with me and they are shot and left on the floor. The large body guard and Hitler leave the room but promise to be back. I slowly begin to realize this is a dream I've had before and if these two are left on the floor they will be shot again so I pick them both up and they become medical supplies and I climb over the small ledge and up a ladder to the roof of the house and put them up there and then make my way back to the solarium, I want to distract Hitler and his body guard as long as possible so he stays away from my family. They come back and Hitler laughs as I will have another surprise soon. I look back out over the water and see the soldiers running through the trees and bushes firing at one another. There is a soft whistling sound next to my ear and I turn and Hitler has this frozen smile on his face and then collapses, his chest bleeding profusely. The guard grabs me and asks where the two men when, that they had medical supplies and I tell him I don't know. He climbs out the door onto the ledge of the fall and begins looking around the house, climbing partway up the latter but not seeing them. He comes back into the room and pushes me aside. He kneels down before the bleeding dictator and another bullet zings by, hitting him in the head. he falls forward and I walk over to them and look down at them. Then I am looking up from Hitler's body and at my own face which is smiling and now has a Hitler mustache.

2011.01.02

I'm standing in the middle of a field with my parents who are setting up chairs for a wedding. They put up this archway and put more flowers around that. Then my mom comes over to me, and its my mom but my mom as she was when she was really young, and my dad walks over, and he is also young and puts his arm around her waist. She then tells me "I got my dress for such a good deal" and they both are beaming at each other. I shrug and go back to putting out chairs and my brother comes by with some more flowers. Then there is a baby crying and we all walk towards this building, except there is no side to the building, you can see into all the apartments and we watch this lady try and sooth this baby. In the apartment next to that is Baby Grr and Bubbaloo playing around and I yell at them to be good because I will be up in a moment and they both yell back they will be. So I go back to setting up chairs. Finally all the chairs are done and my parents are just standing there admiring it all and I go "Did either of you call CSI?" and they both turn around and they are old again with worry all over their faces and I go "You are getting married in England and you didn't bother calling your own daughter, even though she is here now?"and they both pull out their phones and run around trying to get reception and I'm standing there shaking my head and then CSI yells hello to me and I wave her over and she is all "I got your message, cant believe they didn't call me" and I say "I know right, pretty idiotic" and then The British Twins show up and The British Echo goes "what are they doing" and I begin to laugh right before I woke up.

Happy new year

So I opted out of doing anything and stayed home. Spent the evening watching a movie and dinking around on Omegle. It was both nice and weird spending a whole day completely to myself, I'm sure I shall miss it when I don't have another evening like that for a couple months.

I never make any ridiculous resolutions because I never bother to do them. However, I am hoping I pick up some of my pace this year on the things I want to do. Nothing much more to say really. Let's hope the next year is better then the last. Cheers.