Picking up the pencil

I've been in a big drawing mood today, I don't particularly think they look all that grand but they are a pretty good start from not having drawn in months.

Angel Revisited by ~Katalalyn on deviantART

resting merman by ~Katalalyn on deviantART

Seiya by ~Katalalyn on deviantART

Belly Dancer Sailor Moon take2 by ~Katalalyn on deviantART

I miss having a scanner, I suppose when Brewski comes home I can ask him to scan them in and then they will look a great deal better.

Making my head hurt

I know I'm not perfect. I have bad days where I take my frustration on the wrong people. I make mistakes and let people down. I'm not trying to be that way. I don't like being around people who purposefully are that way. Now I also know it's not my place to judge people, since I'm not above but it sure does bother me when people do certain things. I've ranted about people getting under your skin before and this one is going to be relatively similar but much more defined. Two topics bothering me at the moment, 1. religious ridiculousness and 2. Men, in general.

I was raised in a semi Christian home(only one religious parent) and I still cannot wrap my head around it. As a Christian, they are told, by no less then the person who is the Shepard of the church's flock that they are born into this world with sin, however, it always feels like once they've asked the mysterious all powerful being to forgive them then they get a free jail pass to be a complete creep. Liars, adulterers, racists, basic corruption of the soul, because they were forgiven, because God knows them, because they are his children somehow it doesn't phase them that they are doing wrong, often in his name. Doesn't matter that they praise his name on Sunday because come Monday they are back to their natural behavior. The only part of this that bothers me isn't even that they believe themselves above being decent human beings because somehow God will forgive them their indiscretions but that they do it while condemning other people who can easily be more humane with their general nature but don't profess in either belief or love in God. This is why even though I have a person belief in spiritual things I don't put myself into any category.

Now onto men. I don't get you. I mean, I do, men are far easier to understand then women are. There is far less sneaky deaky behavior that isn't uncommon. I should probably explain that better. Men often think being a "player" is the way to go, as many women as possible in the shortest amount of time. This is a behavior, though a generalization, that tends to be rather true. That's why there is always that sort of shying away from being intimate or committed. Okay but that isn't behavior that seems outside the norm. Generalizations are there for a reason, because it feels as if that is the actual case. Doesn't make them particularly true or right, just a relative feeling people get about a topic. You need to be pretty sneaky to keep more then one woman but women are just ridiculously deceitful, you never know with a woman what she is actually saying, it's rather an amazing trait to be honest, but really men are pretty simple, food, sex, violence of some form, either in sport or t.v. show, and beer. Not all men of course and I'm sure many men are already offended, though I'm not sure many men actually read this thing. On a generalized note they are pretty easy to read and yet I still don't get you. Just don't get you. So much complaining about how women are "bitches", how they use all your money or are completely psycho but I think the real problem is the women you choose to go for. All the complaining could easily be avoided if men looked less for the size of the tits or ass and more for what the girl is actually like. I get it, its nice having your buddies be jealous because they also want to bang your girl but when the boys are gone and she setting your clothes on fire because you didn't buy her a big enough rock and you want to punch her in the face this is the moment I don't get. Why would anyone be with someone just because they looked good if that person is a complete waste.

So tiring, it makes my head ache. Not that I don't have more to say about such things but that it would be far to depressing to keep going right now.

Turning hair white

I'm just about done with dealing with mom and she has only been home for a day or so. There isn't anything she hasn't felt the need to comment on. When she does she always talks down to you, when you mention this she just says you are being argumentative and therefore are wrong. It's driving me up the walls. Every little thing becomes an argument because she thinks you are just saying things to make her look bad

We went to the dollar store the other day and she had a few things in her hands and she was discussing things about Christmas, the conversation sidetracked her enough that she almost walked out the door with the stuff in her hands before paying. I, in a very jovial manner, stated "Mom, careful you might walk out the door with all the stuff in your hand if you don't pay more attention" and she became seriously angry, accused me of making her look like a thief. One lady looked at her like she was crazy, I just shrugged and rolled my eyes.

About the only good thing that came from her being here is she happened to run into someone at the Costco gas station, some things were mentioned and now I have a new texting buddy and potential pen pal. We shall call him The Soldier.

Unrelated to both my frustration rant and my soldier mention, Brewski has been trying to get me into the tv show Weeds. Though I do believe that there are some funny moments here and there, there are a few downfalls to it that bother me and therefore make it rather unfunny to me in general. One, I'm not a pot smoker and never will be, so the whole concept of the show is a bit wasted on me. Second, the whole show is about a single mother who lost her husband. It's unbelievably depressing watching her go through at lot of what I am feeling and dealing with, lots of things pertaining to her kids, I see a lot of the same situations happening with us.

All the lost things

First my mind, now offically my wallet. Like I said I've never lost my wallet before. I called around and looked all over the house and yet it's still no where to be found. It's frustrating and irritating and makes me want to just give up. Everything seems down on me lately. I was discussing it with my Poppi the other day and I told him "I must have done something pretty terrible in a past like, like be Judas." and for the rest of the day I sat around thinking about that and came to a second conclusion so when I spoke with my mom the next day I told her the Judas comment and then said "That or I was Job." Both comments made me crack up, so at least I haven't lost my sense of humor along with my wallet. heh.

The list only grows with each moment though, the lack of job, the wallet, the new cold. I've been feeling really achy and lethargic for the last couple of days, not only that but I've had a splitting headache that just wont go away. I can't sleep because my head hurts but I want to because I'm tired. However even though I feel terrible I'm still trying to keep up my working out and I have to clean. Mom comes home tonight sometime at 6 after having been gone for almost a month. I can just feel the depression already seeping in. She stresses people out beyond all reasonable sense. I love my mother but living together is something we aren't really meant to do. It's barely functional when we are together. One feels as if they are expected to be perfect or at least her interpretation of perfect, which just means being pretty much exactly like her. When one has a difference of opinion it's like battling the demon horde to be heard.

Doesn't help that I feel rather alone down here. All my friends are scattered, again, but this time I'm trudging through it by myself. Last time I had S.E.S and this time I have... Brewski, at best, not really all that comforting at times. Family is there for you because they are family but I miss talking with people I can shoot the breeze with without there being an argument or raised voices. I miss CSI like no other, one of my best friends and my sister, both gone. Not to mention the British Twins. Man, seriously going to get depressed if I keep up this line of thoughts, so on to more mundane and ridiculous things.

A friend did a journal entry on Deviant Art so, in what is probably the first of a very few stupid entries that have no substance, here I go...

So... Rules:

Go to www.urbandictionary.com and look up the definition of the upcoming questions.

Find a definition from the first seven that you like and post it.

1. Name

Listens to great music!

Gets attention from mostly douchebag guys!
Super smart!
Totally talented!
Good kisser!
Great hair!
Nice smile!
Hot bod!
Cute feet!
Knows how to party!
So wierd!
Usually has A.D.D.
An all around amazing person.
You won't regret knowing an Olivia!

2. Nickname

An amazingly stunning person, who is also amazingly gorgeous and amazing at fucking.. causes much pleasure (in many ways including sexually) she is sexy and loved by everyone.......she's great at everything and i love her

3. Birthplace

ONE OF THE BETTER MILITARY BASES FOR THE MOST PART IF IT DID NOT HOUSE MORE FELONS AND CRIMINALS THEN ACTUAL MILITARY PERSONAL.

4. Birth Month

The month where the smartest, hottest girls are born in. If your not born in there, or your girlfriend isn't, your shit out of luck.

5. Age

Is a start to finish blow job usually averaging about 25 minutes! The reference 25 is derived from the key pad of a phone. 2 representing B and 5 representing J. 25 = BJ

6. Favorite Color

1. A color between red and brown

2. A stupid person; a fool

7. Favorite Drink

The only known liquid-state form of crack cocaine.

8. Favorite Food

A male that has an over inflated sense of self worth, compounded by a low level of intelligence, behaving ridiculously in front of society with no sense of how moronic he appears.

Use in a sentence: Hey babe, get a load of this steak's Nike Shox and pink Hollister shirt, what a douchebag...

Key indicators of being a steak:

Constantly wears running shoes, live strong bracelets, pink popped collared shirts that are 2x too small, or affliction shirts. If you are over the age of 25 and rock Hollister or Abercrombie, Chinese lettering or tribal band tattoo on/around bicep, wear Oakleys, use a tanning bed instead of the sun, or in a Frat, you are steak.

9. S.O./Crushes/Ex's name

Usually an alpha male that is frequently loud and brutally honest at all times. An over the top sexually active asshole who always believes he is right with his opinionated persona and obnoxiously loud voice. An out of control male normally needing a stronger female to keep him in line. Otherwise he remains out of control.

10. Last person you spoke to

A very sexually active person that is always smoking marijuana. His dick tends to be larger than most and that is the reason he is sexually active a lot. People look at a Brendan and wish they were him. His looks, courtesy and of course, his sex drive is the reason that women just want to make love with him.

Ragnafrost and the universe's wrath

It's been ten days. I didn't think I had gone so many without writing anything. It's amazing how much time passes without one realizing it. I've been busy losing my mind. I have yet to find a job, I'm not sure how sending out a billion applications can come back with nothing but such is life. So no job means no money and this means that Baby Grrs birthday was almost missed.

We had her birthday on Saturday. I wasn't sure how I was going to pull it off. In the end I had 25 dollars to make the entirety of her party, gifts, decorations and food included. I made her cake.

Birthday Cake by ~Katalalyn on deviantART

This cake wanted to kill me or at least try to. All the frostings and inner portions turned out fine but the cake itself was just ridiculous. I tried finding a recipe that I thought would be good but unfortunately it came out like brownies, very crumbly brownies. Now I like a good brownie now and then and this recipe would have made a very good one but brownies though cake-like in concistancy are not in fact cake. The texture is very different. Not to mention it wouldn't have held up to all the decorations that were supposed to be on it, so I just put on my big girl panties and sucked it up and went and bought a cake box mix since I was already frustrated with the three things that hadn't turned out that day. oh well

It was a good time though, we had fun and laughed and the kids played well together. 11 people isn't bad for a child's birthday party.

One problem I see is that I haven't been able to find my wallet since Friday though. Seriously have never lost my wallet before. Miss placed it, had the kids take it, but never lost it. It's distressing and annoying. I've looked everywhere I can think it might be, I even called to all the stores and two different city police offices. Such is life.

Stressing seems to be all I do lately. Like the world is just against me in every way. I must have done something or been someone terrible in a past life... like sell out my friend for 30 pieces of silver.

Mrs. rantypants

So it seems I've been in a big reviewing T.V. mood lately but oh well.

I just caught the episode of Glee I recently missed "Never Been Kissed". Every now and then when I watch a show I read some of the comments left by other viewers just for s and gs. This episode gave me a bit of a sour taste in my mouth and one of the posts from another viewer pinpointed part of what bothered me about it:

Honest curiosity- why is it okay to say that an "ugly" woman kissing a "handsome" man is gross but not okay to say that two men kissing is? Not referring to homophobia at all, just people's immediate reactions to both scenes. I'm just honestly curious, after reading a few of the comments on here about how 'gross' it was for Shue and Beiste to kiss with almost no rebuttals while all negative comments about Kurt and the other boy kissing where immediately shot down. I'm sure certain people have visceral reactions to both scenes, so what makes one okay to acknowledge and the other not? Or is it because both Kurt and the other one were 'pretty' people. Why is one disgust just 'mean' and yet the other absolutely unacceptable/makes you a hateful, evil person? And I said this is apart from considerations of ingrained hate (I myself have plenty of boy love, but for instance, I will admit to having an immediate visceral disgust for the sight and smell of fried eggs- weak comparison, but hopefully it gets my point across). Thoughts?

(I have no idea who wrote this because it was deleted yet still viewing on the site.)

Now I also have no issue with homosexuals, I have many friends who are both straight and gay, so more power to the homosexual kiss. What bothered me about this episode was a layering of underlying meanings, much like my reading too much into the LXD situation, I'm sure someone will point out I've completely missed the lines on this one as well. This is the kiss in question:

I have no issue with people kissing, large or skinny, ugly or pretty, old or young, that's just whatever. If the people or characters in question love each other then who am I to find it weird or disgusting. This is an attitude I have probably because I am a larger woman and know full well how cruel people are in judgement of people who aren't skinny. There were however a few things that bothered me about this kiss, the least of all their physical appearances. My first thought while watching this scene was that I hoped it didn't end exactly as it did.

The whole episode was a two fold story, the main one being about bullying homosexuals, and the second about treating larger people with disrespect by using that person as an image to impede sexual stimulation. The main part of the episode being focused on the former story line and not the later. That isn't to say that homosexual bullying should take a lesser seat but that this development is one that should have been explored just as heatedly. Abuse and bullying of larger people is pretty rampant and highly overlooked. Now I'm sure many of you are thinking "Well it wasn't just that she is big but also because she isn't pretty." First off that doesn't excuse it in any manner or make it any less about her weight because many people equate someone of size with ugliness. Now I'm not saying that we all have to have the same sexual appetite and I can understand someone not wanting to have sexual relations with someone of size but it's so much more then that, it's about treating someone as a human instead of less of one.

The problem I really saw is that they pushed it beyond just the characters treating another in that manner but that being a larger person she has "never been kissed". It's like saying a larger person can't find anyone else who will love them and want to be with them. This happened in the first season too, didn't it. Ken Tenaka is seen as this larger dumpy annoying fat guy. He loves Emma and promises to be good to her but of course he could never get the girl because the much better looking Will also likes her. Doesn't matter that Will is married, sad, a larger person can't even win over a married man. Now granted people who are larger tend to have a specific demographic of people who want a larger person, i.e. as a fetish, but that doesn't mean that a person who isn't skinny doesn't have just as many feelings, wants and needs as their smaller counterparts and yet in the media large people are often treated as if this isn't the case, as if all large people are dumpy, frumpy, silly or just unnecessary. There are plenty of people who are large who don't wish to be and just as many who are happy with themselves as they are. It's not hard to see why someone who is large wouldn't be discouraged though.

It's tiring how judgmental people are towards people of a larger persuasion and yet it's readily acceptable for someone to mock and torment a large person. In our society it's seen as funny when point in fact it's cruel, just as cruel as any other form of bullying. If ordering a salad there is always that "Who are you trying to impress?" look or the "Not really eating these all the time" look or the "Isn't really helping is it?" look. When ordering a steak there is always the "Figures" look. On the bus the empty seat next to a larger person is often empty, as if people think that the fat could rub off like some sort of skin disease. Someone so easily will overlook the cruel behavior of others when it's directed towards a larger person, even if that same person is the first to jump in if a comment is racial or sexist. It just doesn't seem so bad because its acceptable for people to be mean in such a way since larger people are looked down upon as lazy, choosing this for themselves.

Not everyone chooses to be large, true there are many who really don't do the right things for themselves, they over eat and never exercise and then complain when they can't move from their beds anymore. That isn't what I'm talking about, though food is tempting and often a hard drug type urge to ignore for a larger person, they are still making the choice to put the wrong foods in their mouths, in ridiculous quantities, without regard to how much physical output they are doing. What I'm talking about are the people who seriously try to lose the weight and struggle with it every day, the ones who work out and eat right and find it torturous to walk in front of the bakery in the grocery store and yet still manage to walk away. You know who you are. It's difficult, you cry and stress and starve yourself because you want to be someone other people don't look at with disgust, as if you chose this for yourself and weren't just born that way. Why do people feel they even have the right to look at someone with disgust? Do you know what that person has been through? Do you know if maybe they had a bad accident and can't use their leg very well anymore and so put on weight? Maybe they have a genetic disorder or are a diabetic. Why is it that if someone is larger they "brought it upon themselves"?

Second. Pity love is just ludicrous. No one wants to be pity kissed and that's mostly what I saw when he went in to kiss her. She spends the time ranting that she has never been kissed, "what does that say about me?", not very much actually, if you are a kind and generous and loving person and other people can't see it then shame on them and their loss. As if a pity kiss would make you feel better about yourself anyways. Oh yay, I can't get a real kiss and so when I lament about it I get one filled with pity about my sob story. Please. If she had been a thin and "pretty" woman, they would have never thrown this story line her way. Who would believe a pretty thin girl would stay single and never been kissed even into her 40s... exactly... people just wouldn't believe it but make it a larger woman who isn't conventionally beautiful and easily people stomach it. Not just stomach it but accept it as a valid notion, not even stereotyped, just as truth. Sad that people are so preoccupied by looks to notice true beauty, the kind that only comes from a good heart.

This rant seems to be going in circles and probably not really making much sense. I think in part because it's late and I'm sleepy and partly because it's hard getting down in words a way of being treated that so obviously left scars.

T.V Shows and the Legion of Extraordinary Sexism

I don't really watch much new T.V. At least I don't think I do comparatively, I have a decent list I do keep track of but it equals out to about 1 show a night, two at best, except Thursdays, because apparently everything has to happen on Thursday, not that it completely counts, I usually only watch one of the three on that night and then catch the rest on Hulu another day, usually the weekend since nothing is on then anyways.

Bones

I was never an Angel fan, I was never really a die hard Buffy fan either but I love the play between these two and I know most people want them to get together and the writers seem to be playing it in that direction but I think I would be okay without that happening.

Burn Notice

Bruce Campbell. Anything with Bruce Campbell is exceedingly better than anything without Bruce Campbell. Enough said.

Castle

I never saw Firefly, didn't have cable at the time but if Nathan Fillion was as good in that as he is in this(which I heard he was) then I am sorely sad I missed it and I suppose I will just have to get the DVDs.

Community

This cast manages to keep me in stitches every week, which is hard to do with me sometimes, most comedy is very cliche and over used.

Glee

I have to admit this is more or less a guilty pleasure just for the singing, the story line is a bit eh and the characters feel pretty stereotypical but still, I like seeing them dance around and sing their brains out.

Good Eats

Alton Brown makes cooking so much more an education then a chore. I love finding out that the things he teaches end up being used in multiple applications. He teaches not how to make a dish but how to harness the knowledge to make any dish. He is my go to chef when I need a recipe. I love this show and so do my kids, its like a food rendition of Bill Nye on crack.

NCIS

Mark Harmon is undeniably sexy, his voice is amazingly soothing, and his smile could melt hearts but even though many shows are pulled through by an actors looks, he is in a league all his own because he can also act, he is believable and I love that even his subtle emotions make me want to continue watching.

Psych

The interaction between these two is ridiculous and therefore hilarious. How they ever stayed friends is really beyond me and yet it's amazing all the same. I love the fist bumping, the random outbursts, the correcting strange information. Ah the love.

Top Gear

Some say he wears silk underwear because he thinks it gives him better aerodynamics, some say his lunches are made and hand delivered by pixies, all I know is, he's called The Stig. This show is comedy at it's best, love all their challenges.

Mostly though I would rather just watch something informational, such as a cooking show, anything on the history channel or some shows on the discovery channel. However my list of shows isn't really something that stretches, it's very rare when I start a new show and stick to it, I just don't care for much of the garbage on the boobtube. This means I miss out on some references but also that I watch a lot of good old shows. Which makes Hulu so wonderful, even if they have started putting in more commercial time, because then I skip the other crap and just get to go right to my show. Now every so often I catch something scrolling by on the home page that I then take an interest to and watch to see if I like it. This happened not so recently with the LXD.

For those of you who have never seen or heard of it, The Legion of Extraordinary Dancers is a miniseries that runs in about 10 minute increments created/directed/produced by Jon M. Chu. The plot centers around two rival groups of dancers who are in a power struggle as the forces of good and evil. Pretty elementary stuff here. The main idea is that dance focuses their powers and so is how they fight. Now I have to say, I really like watching people dance. I would happily watch Dancing with the Stars if there was less drama and more dancing involved. (If I could buy a DVD of just the dance routines I would) So when I saw the previews for this show, which they really did advertise to death, I was interested to say the least. The first episode made me laugh pretty hard core, it was rather silly to be honest, the dancing seemed interjected into the story instead of the building block of it but as with most shows, I decided to give it a few more episodes before I made up my mind whether I cared to finish watching it or not, plus, it was only in 10 minute blocks. The first two were a nice display of dance skills but it was the 3rd episode that hooked me, Robot Love. The story was powerful, the lack of terrible acting due in part to poor reading of lines made it surprisingly far more interesting. It reminded me of a comic book and of movies from days long past. It told a story that was beautiful and heart wrenching and vivid all that the same time, and I hoped it would be a glimpse of what was to come. I watched to the end of the season and then promptly forgot about it. That is, until two days ago when I saw it, once again, on the home page of Hulu, scrolling by with my missed episode of Castle and Glee. I have watched what is of the second season and the mix of dance to story seems to have highly improved and that is a plus, the dancing is spectacular but I have two big issues with this show.

First off, though they talk about a range of dancing, its really hard to see it. I mean I know that in this day and age that dances like swing and waltzing are considered outdated but I think they could be used in a strong way in this show. Crime fighters often come in pairs. Batman and Robin. Michael and Kitt. Cagney and Lacey. You could have a strong partnership with two people dancing some good swing (they sort of did this in the Duet episode) using each other as both shield and weapon but there seems to be a lack of some styles in this show. There are always ways to update old dances.

Second off, the lack of female lead roles and their treatment in the series. I know that dancing, in the particular styles shown, seem to be much more male dominated but there isn't a lack of female dancers out there and yet, even in the picture above, it is clear to see that there are no female leads. The only one heavily feature being Ninjato from Duet. The Dark Nurse from Robot Love was a nice break in both the dance styles and the sex of the dancer and yet she only got a 20 second clip.

In the latest episode the four Sirens make a mockery of what women can do, I can understand to some extent that they are supposed to be seducing these men, but with the obvious difference in the way women are treated on this show, it's hard not to see that they clearly remind one of a stripper giving a lap dance instead of a talented dancer. The heroes go off in search of women and the creator of this series gives a handful of objectified women for them to drool over. Granted I do expect heroes and saviors to want and need sex, but there they are, having just been told of their grand mission to save the world and they are worried about how they aren't getting laid. Pretty sad.

To make matters worse the woman are stereotyped ridiculously. The only strikingly noticeable females have turned out to be evil, either born that way or just on that side. Seems like someone has an Eve complex. If they had chosen a female to be leader of the evil side then I could possibly see this being a good case as to why more women are on that side. Granted then it would really be a power struggle between the sexes and in the end, as we all know, evil tends to lose and therefore the creator would then be likening women to evil creatures that are bound to fail but at least in that form they would be subject to the course of a natural heroic journey cycle instead of being subjugated in the lower ranks. The only real main female being the wife of the leader of the LXD, who is apparently a weak willed princess in need of rescuing.

It's despairing how little women are thought of as being capable of being heroes, how often they are seen as temptresses and seducers and seemly void of moral values. I am no feminist but it still bothers me. Let me just say, I may not have the same upper body strength as a man standing next to me but that doesn't mean I wont run into the burning building to try and pull you out anyways. I can't say for a fact he will.

Okay, that's enough of that.

-

Nano is going no where, I haven't written in a week. I'm so uninspired this year.

I haven't worked out in two days, I just wasn't feeling up to it.

I still have yet to find a job.